Criminal Minds 1510: And In The End...

Things start weird as we see the first team scene from the last episode of season one, where everyone was going to take a long weekend to themselves before the Fisher King showed up! Then it's back to the present, where comatose Reid runs around, trying to talk to people! This leads to Garcia turning into Erin! Nice to see her again, huh?

But will Thomas Gibson be back? Probably not.

Erin announces that he's on a psychic journey of self-discovery, and tells him not to be afraid! Then Reaper shows up to taunt him about all the people he got killed! Seriously? Reaper is here? The lack of Thomas Gibson is going to be inexcusable if he doesn't show up.

Personally I'd like to see Frank one more time, but I know that's a stretch. What other cameos will we be getting, I wonder? Ian Doyle, please? I guess we'll find out after the credits!

More with the Reaper, who explains that the team was never whole after they failed to save Hailey, and that's kind of true! Well observed, Reid's subconscious!

Then it's over to Joe's house, where he's finally comfortable, now that Faceoff is dead! Well, now that he thinks the guy is dead, we know better, after all. And they will too, soon enough - after all, they'll only find one body in the basement sometime today, and that'll be all the evidence they need that he's still out there.

Joe announces that he's finally ready to retire! His wife wants to throw a party, since this is obviously amazing news!

At the office all of the ladies are hung over due to the drinking they did the night before, and they're all looking forward to a chill day! But then the DNA evidence comes in, and the male body they found in the house was the PI! So now they know Faceoff is still out there!

In Reid's subconscious Reaper takes him to his apartment where they run into Maeve, the lady that Reid got killed because he was afraid to have an actual relationship with her! Reid's subconscious lets him off the hook by imagining that she was a fan of the movie City of Angels, which is about a love so pure that it's okay that it lasts just one day before the lady dies!

Screw you, Reid's subconscious. Conversely, that was a very nice thing to do, ghost of Maeve.

The team tries to run down what Faceoff might do next. Apparently he dug a tunnel in the house? When did he do that? While he was living there with the lady? Because he only killed her two days before the episode's main action. They assume he'll go back to one of his old identities, but I'm not sure why - if he dug an escape tunnel, wouldn't he be planning to escape to something?

Naturally they assume that he's coming after them - which would be pretty hard, since other than Joe he doesn't know the names of any of the team members who are chasing him. So Joe calls Crystal and tells her that security is coming to guard her. Which is a terrible idea, BTW. What you want to do is get her out of the city - just go to Canada until this all blows over and leave guards surveilling the house in case he shows up. They won't do that, of course, because they're all terrible at this.

The team finally discovers Reid on the floor of his apartment! JJ and Garcia call for an ambulance! Wait, why is Garcia there? Shouldn't she be doing something useful on the computers? There's a whole rest of the team who could have checked on Reid.

In the fantasy, Reid and Maeve go to see Gideon's grave, so he can learn to let go of his past trauma! At the hospital, Garcia decides to stay with Reid and sends JJ back to the office! But JJ can do her job - making up random stories - wherever. It's Garcia who needs to be at the computer to be of any use.

At Joe's house, faceoff shoots a guard as he drives up! That's right, in less than 24 hours faceoff drove from Reno to Virginia - a 40 hour drive - and found out where Joe lives. And don't tell me he already knew - the man is both rich and an FBI agent. His address isn't something you can just 'find out'. Remember that it took the Fisher King breaking into Garcia's poorly-protected server to get this information in the past?

Dear lord - faceoff then goes into the house identifying himself as the FBI agent who's there to guard her. Because we live in a world where it's possible that Crystal - of all people - wouldn't know what the killer who's haunted her husband's nightmares for a year looks like.

Then again, this could be a fake-out. She might know exactly who this is, and just be playing along until she can shoot him with one of the guns from Joe's collection.

Jane Lynch comes to see Reid at the hospital, and she's not helpful! We get a flashback to the time she alluded to all of the ways she used to beat him as a kid, but the show wants to pretend that didn't happen, so we quickly move on.

Maeve tries to console dream Reid, and they get so close to just admitting that his need to be in the BAU is a facet of the way his mother abused him, and it's actively hurting him to stay there, but they don't quite make it.

Finally Crystal recognizes Faceoff - it wasn't an act, I guess - but they act like it's hard for her to do, since she's only seen pictures of him with beards and mustaches. I guess the show has forgotten that they've got plenty of official photos of him completely clean-shaven, huh? I wouldn't expect anything less from this nonsense festival.

Maeve and Reid go over a list of things that Reid loves, trying to think of ways to keep him bound to the world. In a nice moment, they list something that the actor, Matt Gubler, loves 'Ghost Stories', but which has never been associated with the character in any meaningful way in the past.

Meanwhile Garcia and Jane debate what to do about Reid's condition, and this doesn't make the most sense, because you can't ask a woman with dementia to make an informed medical decision about Reid's health.

Seriously, there's no way on the planet that JJ doesn't have Reid's power of attorney in case he's ever incapacitated. They would have taken care of that years ago. I know they like the drama of having Jane there, but this is a schizophrenic woman with Alzheimer's - she's not up to making any decisions, ever.

In the psychic journey of self-discovery, Reid finally says goodbye to the memory of Maeve, and he starts to wake up a bit!

At the office, Joe calls Crystal and gets Faceoff! It's time for his endgame, it would seem! Joe decides to hatch a scheme with the director of the FBI!

In the hospital, Jane is surprisingly helpful at calming Garcia down! And Reid wakes up! I guess brain bleeding isn't much of an issue as they thought?

Joe and the team meet Faceoff at the naval airfield where their plane is waiting. Joe gets on board with faceoff instead of crystal - and he's brought along a handcuff key, because he was assuming faceoff would restrain him that way, instead of using zip-ties! Although who knows, maybe he's got a razor blade concealed as well!

Joe's plan? Get one of the guns hidden on the plane and use it to arrest Faceoff. I mean, a way, way, way easier thing would be to wait until faceoff is in the pilot's seat and just shoot a hundred bullets into him with rifles, since they have rifles in their SUVs and planes aren't bullet-resistant at all. They go with Joe's terrible plan, though, which should have worked just fine, but instead of simply shooting faceoff in the back of the head, or telling him to freeze, Joe presses the button to open the stairs, the noise of which alerts Faceoff to his plan!

What the hell are you doing, Joe?

They exchange shots and Joe falls out of the plane, presumably badly injured! For some reason they don't just open fire on the cockpit, killing faceoff, and he has time to start taxiing the plane down the runway! They manage to shoot the gas tank on the wing, though, and then set the trail of gas on fire, blowing up the plane!

THE END

Oh, and Joe's fine - he had a second vest on under his shirt.

The plane is less fine - it's blown up in an unconvincing CGI effect.

A month later, we check in on Joe's retirement party! Is Aaron there? Probably not! Time to explain where all the characters wind up!

Since she's bad at her job, Emily has decided to move to Denver to be with her boyfriend! Reid is going to teach most of the time, and consult now and then! Joe's not retiring, after all! Garcia is going to work for a non-profit, where her skills won't be useful at all! It's not clear if JJ is going to Louisiana or not.

More - Eric and Garcia decide to go on a date! So yeah, that happened! Then there's a speech about how much they all love each other!

On Monday, everyone arrives to work to discover that Garcia's stuff is being moved out! Eric references the Baltimore Colts, which is a really good analogy, but none of the other characters respond to it.

They have donuts and a sad song plays! The show ends without a quote, because the writers failed to come up with one to sum up the experience of doing the show for 15 years. You had one job, people, and you screwed it up.

THE END (FOR REAL THIS TIME)

1 - Was profiling in any way helpful in solving the crime?

Nope. They just phoned the killer. And if they were good at security, an FBI agent wouldn't have gotten killed catching him.

2 - Could the crime have been solved just as easily using conventional police methods given the known facts of the case?

Yes. They could have just handled security in a responsible fashion, and he would have been caught approaching Joe's house. Which, once again, he had no way of knowing where that was.

So, on a scale of 1 (Dirty Harry) to 10 (Tony Hill), How Useful Was Profiling in Solving the Crime?

1/10 - One last failing score for the show. I'll miss you, Criminal Minds.

Seriously, though, what on earth is Penelope going to do at a non-profit? Her skillset solely consists of hacking computers and manipulating databases. These aren't super-useful skills outside of the security or law enforcement field. I understand that the show wanted to end with someone leaving, and since Garcia is the only person to have been in every episode it makes sense to center the last episode around her, but they've laid no groundwork to earn this ending.

Seriously, there was more setup to the last episode of 24 when we all got together and said 'yeah, I guess the heart of the show really WAS Jack and Chloe's relationship. Who saw that coming?'

But hey, Penelope wrote the episode, so if she wants to make it all about her emotions and also have her hook up with a hot guy, more power to her!

See you back here when Criminal Minds is inevitably rebooted in three years!

(That's a joke, obvs. Please don't do this, CBS.)