Still no updates on the whole copycat
situation, so with just two episodes left in the season, I guess
they're making us wait until the finale, right? Or maybe there'll be
a scene next week setting up the finale?
Either way, the episode opens with
a screw-up, titling the first scene as '1 YEAR AGO', when really this
is the present, and the rest of the episode is one year later. Who
taught these people about context?
Anyhow, in a bathroom lit only by
candles, a guy in rubber gloves is preparing a scalding-hot tub! Or
perhaps it's full of chemicals. I suppose we'll find out when he
finishes dragging the gagged and screaming woman into it. No, even
after we see the dunking, there's no clear answer as to whether it's
actually dangerous, or this was some kind of sick baptism ritual.
There's a solid transition from the
murder tub to the one where JJ is bathing her son! The kid asks why
she has to go to work, since he'd rather she be around all of the
time. She starts to offer the whole 'people need my help' thing,
which is crazy, since she hasn't had a clear role or value to the
team since Garcia took over picking the cases, but there's no time
for her justification to continue, since Josh Stewart walks in,
making me immediately happy!
Seriously, that guy is one of my ten
favorite actors, and he's not on the show enough. Maybe someone could
give him his own show? Wait, maybe someone has!
(one trip to IMDB later)
Apparently he's currently on season two
of the show 'Shooter' (presumably playing an evil sniper, although
that's based on nothing but his appearance in Dark Knight Rises), as
well as a miniseries about Lewis and Clark!
Good for you, Josh!
Where was I? Oh, right Criminal Minds.
JJ heads off to work after handing off
parenting duties to Josh, which makes me wonder if he's a full-time
dad now. I certainly hope so. Seriously, after you've had a bomb vest
strapped to you and survived, it's time to call the whole police
thing quits and take early retirement. I'm sure you can get some kind
of a stress pension for that, can't you?
At the office we get a breakdown of
their new case! Every year a nanny taking care of a child is
kidnapped, raped, burned with a circular object, then drowned in a
tub. The children are dropped off at a hospital, church, or other
safe space, completely unharmed. The killer makes sure that her body
his found on a specific day, which is now just two weeks away, so the
team is on the case!
Seriously? You waited until it was just
two weeks away? Were you so busy with something else that you
couldn't be working the case out of California and getting off to
your occasional 2-day solves?
The killer murders people up and down
California, so there's no way of knowing where he'll strike next! But
one of his would-be victims escaped and moved to Seattle, so while
most of the team will be heading to LA because it's an easy place to
film (also that's where the killer dumps the bodies, and maybe holds
the still-living victims, but come on), JJ and Derek will try to get
more info out of the escaped victim.
There's also a Prentiss-Award winning
line, as Reid, condescending dick that he is, seriously assumes that
the rest of the team doesn't know what day of the month it is.
Big help there, Reid.
Over at the Griffith Observatory, the
killer has decided to get super-lazy, abducting a nanny who was
already in LA! Will the team be able to save her in time (they have
at least twelve days, unless he refrigerates bodies), or will the
killer start spree killing?
The episode opens as a man in a vest
has a staring contest with an owl. This looks as strange as it
sounds. Then he hears the yelling of a child from the hallway, and
sees a wall bulge outwards as if Jake Busey were hiding behind it. So
I guess he's got a mental disorder? Or perhaps this is a dream?
He tears down the wallpaper and finds
that behind it is a wall of meat, which promptly swallows his arm-
Well, this is certainly unusual for an
episode of Criminal Minds. Are we sure I didn't accidentally turn on
an episode of Supernatural? Or did Matthew Gubler just direct two
episodes this year?
It turns out to have just been a bad
dream, as the man, looking quite different with a flannel shirt and
messy hair, wakes up coated in sweat. He rushes to a nearby phone to
call for a doctor, and the voice on the phone announces that there's
a doctor in room 209. Which seems like a weird thing for an operator
to do. Is she just another figment of his imagination?
Then things get still stranger, as the
show cuts immediately from him walking through the suspiciously ajar
door 209 to a bunch of police officers running through the woods at
night with pistols and flashlights. Their dogs lead them to an arm,
which proves to have no body attached to it! It does, however have
the same ring that its middle finger that the confused man was
wearing in the last scene!
There's another hard cut, this one to
Reid, who's presenting Joe with his theory of the case - people are
being abducted in small towns around Rapid City, South Dakota, and
then being cut up and having their body parts strewn about the woods!
Apparently local police didn't know about the connection because one
of the bodies was dumped inside a reservation, which is a completely
different jurisdiction.
Since the brutal reservation murder is
and FBI matter it should have been investigated already, but the
characters note that the FBI doesn't really care what happens on
reservations ever since two FBI agents were murdered in one back in
the 70s. Which is true, and kind of super-unprofessional of them.
When listing the things that they
'know', Garcia mentions that there was no evidence of robbery or
sexual assault. Um... the two bodies were stripped of their clothes,
dismembered, and the pieces dropped in the woods. Did the killer also
leave their full-of-cash wallets next to the bodies? It seems like
you're basing the 'no robbery' on the fact that one of them was still
wearing a single ring, but there's any number of reasons a killer
could have left that on. Not the least of which being how singularly
weird it looks to see a hand with just one ring on the middle finger.
The team notices that it was strange
that the bodies weren't stripped by animals. It seems that they were
full of poison, which explain the rough night the guy was having at
the start of the episode! There's also strange welts all over the
most recent victim's back, which resemble something called 'cupping'
from holistic medicine. I'll just take their word for it, since it
sounds like something I don't want to look up.
Meanwhile, over in Rapid city, a guy is
about to leave a bar when a woman in a creepy old-timey dress asks
him to walk her to her car, so as to avoid her abusive ex-boyfriend.
Is he the next to be abducted by her evil cult? I don't have any
proof that she's a strange cultist of course, but she did go into a
bar in this dress-
Wearing minimal makeup and no jewelry
but a picture locket. It's weird. Also, considering this episode is
set in April in South Dakota, they seem badly underdressed.
She flirts with the guy a little, and
notices that he's driving a rental car. She invites him to stay at
her motel rather than the dump he's currently at, since that's where
all of her murder supplies are. Naturally she doesn't say that part,
but we know it's true, since she clearly has the same voice as the
woman from the phone.
Over at the lodge she comes on to him
while her partner watches through a hole in the wall! Is this going
to be an adaptation of that true-life story of the motel owner who
built an entire motel just so he could spy on people? Only now he's
also a serial killer?
Another week, another lack of
'previously on' copycat clips, suggesting a lack of progress on the
copycat case. At least with Frank and the fake Zodiac killer you
could believe the team would stop chasing them, since they stopped
killing once they disappeared. At least until they reappeared. They
know for a fact that the copycat is out there scheming for another
kill. Erin said he's gone 'dormant', but in serial killer terms that
means years without a kill, not weeks.
Although everything is a little
skewed in a world where every serial killer is a spree killer, of
course.
The episode begins with a Mayor in
'Bronson Springs Colorado' giving a speech about how it's the best
town in America, past, present, or future! This scene is set in 1988,
25 years before the episode airs, so presumably we would have heard
about Bronson Springs at some point if that were true.
Hey, are they going to seal up a
time capsule with a person in it? That would be great.
Literally the next shot was them
installing a time capsule. I watch too much television. It's too
small to have a body in it, though, so that's a relief. Maybe the
killer wrote a confession detailing his plan to kill one person a
year over the next twenty-five years?
The workman drag the capsule out in the
present day, and it's in pristine condition, as if it's only been
underground for three hours! Wink.
They pop it open and find a mummified
head inside! This is a lesson - go with your first instincts, people.
As the fuss begins, this man-
Walks off into the crowd! Could he be
the killer? Why is he so familiar to me?
Then it's over to Quantico, where
Garcia is explaining the details of the crime! A young blonde guy had
been decapitated years ago, it seems - although it's unclear from her
description whether people knew that he'd had his head cut off back
when he was first killed, or if he simply disappeared. Seems like
that would be important.
Then, just a day after the head was
discovered, a retired sheriff's deputy (who - possibly importantly -
was already on the job 25 years ago) had his head cut off at the side
of the road just outside of town. That's right, there's a Highlander
on the loose!
Jeanne points out that it was an
unusually long time between kills. Reid suggests that such a long
dormancy period isn't unheard of, mentioning that BTK, Jeffrey
Dahmer, the Keystone Killer, Jack the Ripper and the Zodiac Killer.
Okay, so let's address those one at a
time.
BTK didn't have a long gap between
kills - he stopped killing, but then wanted attention again, and got
caught when he asked for it. Maybe he was going to kill that next
woman, maybe not, there's no real way to know.
Jeffrey Dahmer stopped killing for a
couple of years.
The Keystone Killer was the show's
version of BTK, so it isn't worth mentioning.
Jack the Ripper should never be brought
up, since nothing about the case is useful in the study of modern
criminology.
The Zodiac Killer did stop. So Reid is
1/5 for this information dump. Although it's questionable how
relevant a guy who stopped killing is in a discussion about a guy who
didn't.
They raise the possibility that it
could be a copycat, since over a million people saw the video of the
severed head rolling out when it was posted to - well, probably not
YouTube, given the subject matter, but somewhere online. True, but
that wouldn't make much of an episode, would it?
We then drop by the guy from the
crowd's garage, and watch him put the cop's severed head in his
freezer! Also, I'm pretty sure that he's the evil prison guard from
Prison Break, although the fact that we've just seen him in profile
twice isn't helping me identify him.
The episode begins with a complete lack
of 'previously on Criminal Minds', which means no copycat this week!
Seems like an oversight for the team. I mean, don't they understand
that every time the team goes out and works another crime they're
just giving the copycat an excuse to kill another person? And it's
not like they're contributing much to solving these new crimes.
Considering that it's Garcia doing all the actual work, couldn't
Forrest Whitaker's team go out and work these cases?
Anyhoo, the episode actually starts
with a guy closing up his corner store! Before he can close the door
two adorable kids ride up on their bikes asking to buy some candy,
and this soft-hearted guy lets them into the store. This, naturally,
gives the killer a chance to rush up and tackle him when the kids
ride off on their bikes and he's turned to lock the door. He drags
the owner inside, shuts the security fence, and that's the end of the
scene!
One thing, though - his plan revolved
around clubbing the owner while the door was still unlocked, then
getting him inside before anyone noticed them. So why didn't he
attack the first the time the guy was closing the door? He was just
as close to locking it when the kids drove up on their bikes, so
shouldn't the killer have been attacking then? If the guy had
succeeded in locking the door, then the attack turns into a mess. He
has to club the guy, grab his keys, unlock the door, and drag him
inside - this takes much longer, and gives the victim a huge amount
of time to call for help, fight back, and attract attention.
It's not like the killer saw that the
kids were coming - they rode in on bikes around the corner just as
the door was about to be locked. Seems awfully convenient that he
didn't attack that first time, even though it made him considerably
more likely to get caught.
Then we cut to one of Derek's
properties, which he's busy renovating! Did you remember that Derek
owns a large number of rental units? I did, and am a little worried
about that, since it never comes up on the show. It's possible I know
too much about Criminal Minds.
Joe drops by with some booze, which
should prove helpful for a safe work environment. Then agian, Derek
is tearing out plaster walls and removing old windows without wearing
a mask or safety goggles, so maybe safety isn't a priority of his?
Before they can get drunk Garcia calls
with a case - one that's so important they presumably have to run in
on a weekend! It's worth noting here, I think, that other than holes
in his jeans and work gloves, there is literally zero difference
between the way Derek dresses to renovate a house:
And how he dresses to go to work at the
FBI.
Food for thought. Thoroughly
unprofessional food.
It seems that the convenience store
owner was the second man beaten to death with someone's bare fists!
Also the men had their pants and underwear pulled down, but were not
sexually assaulted. Not a lot of info there, and considering the
ten-day gap between the murders, I'm not sure why the team had to
come in on a weekend for this.
I'm kidding, of course, the killer
will definitely start killing one person a day from here on out.
JJ mentions that Derek should check in
with his family while he's in Chicago, but he announces that he's not
going to let them know he's in town until the case is over. Which is
kind of a dick move. How often do you get a chance to see your mother
or your sisters? Including, you know, the one who was a sex slave for
five years until you rescued her? Even when on the road you don't
work the cases 24 hours a day, Derek, you can get dinner with your
family.
In Chicago, a man shows a woman and her
kid out of a store, and the killer notices him placing his hand on
the kid's shoulder. It troubles him quite a bit. Is this guy getting
revenge on child molesters, or at least people he thinks are child
molesters? This could get quite personal for Derek!
So, this episode probably isn't going
to be about profiling Highlanders, despite the title, so I'll put my
disappointment aside and get to the show!
We start with another 'previously on',
which I guess means they're finally taking this copycat business
seriously. Then it's an office scene where the team is wondering
where the killer is getting all of his information from, since the
press didn't know about key elements to many of the crimes that were
recreated by the copycat. Plenty of people in the various police
departments did, of course, but who could get to all of them without
drawing suspicion on themselves? The FBI or Homeland security,
probably.
Joe then wins one of the earliest
Prentiss Awards ever, during this exchange:
"Why didn't he help his career
out?"
I know that you're a money-grubbing
creep who salivates at the idea of turning human tragedy into fat
stacks, but there are other motivations, Joe. You're dealing with a
guy with a monomaniacal obsession with mocking your efforts and
ruining your lives, and you think that he'd try to get ahead in his
hypothetical journalism career while also serial killing people? This
says more about your priorities than it does the people you're
chasing, and the fact that you're bringing them into your profile
suggests that you're even worse at your job than I'd thought you
were.
The guy probably isn't a real
journalist, but Jeanne is half-right. As we learned from Se7en, and,
you know, reality, there are plenty of people looking to bribe cops
for juicy details about crimes, and plenty of cops happy to take that
money. So while the law enforcement connection is more likely, you'd
be smart to have each of those jurisdiction's cops check who might
have been talking to reporters about the crimes.
Reid then offers a truly stupid
observation, that if the killer was learning just by watching them
he'd have to be in two places at once, since he was dropping a Ray
Wise-copycat corpse in Pheonix while they were investigating the
Matthew Lilliard crimes in Miami. Except you have no reason to think
that, since the copycat hasn't tried to recreate those crimes. I
don't think he's just following them around, of course, but they have
no evidence to disprove that yet, despite Reid's assumption.
Update! It was pointed out to me that the dead woman at the end of the last episode was supposed to be a recreation of the Lilliard crimes, and I missed it because the show gave so little care to personalizing that victim. After all, the Lilliard crimes were about soliciting prostitutes, taking them into alleys, and smashing their heads in with hammers. This was a woman - whose identity is still a mystery to us - was brought to a warehouse and used as the centerpiece of a giant stalker evidence orgy. So I think it's understandable that I missed the connection.
Special thanks go to the commenter who pointed this out, because it made me rethink this entire scene, which made me notice something even more preposterous about the scene. This whole debate they're having is focused around 'who could possibly have the inside information about these crimes, when details weren't released to the public?'
The problem is that those details absolutely would have been released to the public, and the team (also the show's writers) should definitely know that. Here's the thing about 'withholding information'. It's done so that during an active investigation the police are able to gauge the veracity of confessions and tips they receive. If a woman is stabbed to death with scissors and a guy comes in and says he slit her throat with a straight razor, then there's a good chance he's not the killer. Details are likewise held back to prevent people from copycatting crimes.
Here's the thing, though - that's only during active investigations. Once the perpetrator has been caught or killed, the case is closed, and the information starts coming out in a great rush. The only reason to keep it secret at that point is to prevent a potential jury pool from being contaminated by the details of the crime. Which is precisely why all of the crime's gruesome details will definitely come out - Prosecutor's offices have an obvious incentive to ensure that potential jurors walk into a courtroom already disgusted with the defendant.
And if the killer is dead, there's flat-out no reason not to start talking about all of the disgusting details immediately.
So really, this entire scene is a giant waste of the team's (and our!) time, and if the show later has them determine who the copycat is based on their access to this 'restricted' information, it will be hilarious.
Conversely, if this whole line of inquiry gets dropped, and the show never again mentions how the copycat found out the details of the crime, I pledge to not criticize them for doing so. Also, if they have the copycat be like 'I just read about all the details on a true crime blog' I will compliment the hell out of them.
Then things get just so dumb, as Garcia
offers up a photo from their softball championship game:
Yes, the show doesn't know how
reflections work. Unless, of course, the copycat was taking that shot
from about ten feet away. Which would have been hard to miss. Also,
if I was the killer and I'd wound up with a photo where my subjects
were out of focus but a reflection of me was sharply visible, I
probably wouldn't have printed it out. Unless it's all part of
leading them into a trap?
Then their boss comes in and tells them
to stop working on the copycat case, because he's 'dormant' and there
are more important cases to work on. Which is, you know, crazy. A guy
is stalking FBI agents, actively recruiting other serial killers, and
slaughtering people all over the country, and the FBI's reaction is
'well, he's not a spree killer, so it's not worth our time'? What is
wrong with the world of Criminal Minds?
This leads to some amazing looping by
Joe, as the producers attempt to justify the team failing to do their
job.
Yeah, Joe. That'll cover it.
Then it's over to the land of fake
snow, as we see people running out of a bar in Minnesota! A drunken
boyfriend tries to accost his girlfriend in a parking lot, when a
stranger walks up and punches him, then runs him off. The woman isn't
particularly concerned that the stranger knows the boyfriend's name,
but gets creeped out when he proves to know her name as well!
Proving that bystanders and security
cameras don't exist in this world, the stranger is able to club her
into submission and then throw her into her own car. Wow, lucky for
him that she's completely alone in a well-lit, highly-trafficked
parking lot, huh?
Time for Garcia relationship drama! In
a coffee shop in downtown Washington DC (which is like 40 miles from
where she works) Penelope runs into a guy she's casually dating!
Amazing that the guy turned up at this random coffee shop she goes to
during her 90 minute commute to work? You know, half an hour downtown
during rush hour for coffee, then an hour to the FBI headquarters,
which apparently doesn't have coffee?
I know she calls the coffee shop her
'hood', but isn't the idea of her living in downtown Washington DC
even though she works an hour outside of town a little crazy? It's
not like she's from there, after all, she was recruited into the FBI
for her hacking skills, and she what, decided that two hours of
commuting time and a much higher rent to live in a crime-riddled city
was a fantastic idea?
Anyhow, Xander is miraculously also
there (did they go together? I'm so confused!) and is freaked out to
discover that Penelope is dating some guy!
Then it's time for their case briefing!
In the past two days two women have been brutally stabbed to death
and had their tongues ripped out! The team discusses the possible
symbolic importance of the act - were they liars? Did the killer want
to silence them? And then it's off to the plane.
Where this briefing could have taken
place. Seriously, why not just meet at the airport? It's a half-hour
drive from their offices, so aren't they wasting time driving all the
way in just to get two minutes of exposition before getting back in
their cars?
Then it's over to the killer, who
apparently writes books about his murders? Many of which feature
hilarious pun titles?
Why is the Nicole one in a different font, and underlined? Does he do a new edition when he's actually
killed someone?
Maybe, because he then reads from a
book about a woman whose house he broke into through an open window.
He killed a guy there, then dragged her off so she could be his
forever! I guess this happened a while ago? Because the cops haven't
connected it to the two current murders, and, more importantly, no a
lot of people are leaving open windows in Minnesota from November
through April.
