The Hundred-and-Sixth Greatest Panel in the History of Comics

Wow. That audience really must have hated Tommy, huh?

The Hundred-and-Fifth Greatest Panel in the History of Comics

Ah, those simpler days before hate crimes legislation. And when people didn't care enough about copyrights to sue over people stealing from Our Gang.

Criminal Minds Season 6 Recap

Another year, another twenty-some episodes of Criminal Minds! So, how did they mangle their investigations this year? Let's check out the numbers!

In the 23 gradable episodes, Criminal Minds a total of 52 points out of a possible 230, for a psychology percentage of 22!

A rough year for Criminal Minds, season six featured the departure of two main cast members, as well as the addition of one who managed to make no impression of any kind. They didn't even cast a familiar face to play her serial killing father, that's how little work was put into Rachel Nichols' storyline. Reid got his first post-addiction plot, but it only featured in a couple of episodes, and then totally misrepresented either how schizophrenia works or how old Reid is supposed to be - leave it to Criminal Minds to botch even the most basic plot points. Emily received her first feature storyline this year, and it was among the most nonsensical thing the show's ever done - then it ended with her departure. I assume there are some fascinating behind-the-scenes stories surrounding that mess, but that's not what this site is about, so I'm just going to remain baffled.

The episode with the most psychological relevance was episode 23: Big Sea, where profiling the victim, as opposed to the killer, gave them a decent lead. The absolute low point was the very next (and final) episode 24: Supply and Demand, whose plot revolved around the FBI's complete inability to know how to solve crimes.

At least there were no zeroes this year!

The Hundred-and-Fourth Greatest Panel in the History of Comics

Try to make a list of things better than a plant 'sitting' in a chair. You won't be able to.

Criminal Minds 624: Supply and Demand

It's night, and a guy is driving along a mountain highway. Well, not actually night. Blue-tinted day-for-night shooting. But still. The driver gets frustrated being stuck behind a dump truck on a winding section of road, then tries to dangerously pass it. He picks the exact wrong moment, and has to hit the brakes and then weave out of the way of an oncoming car - that goes well, but then when he tries to pass again he almost hits a minivan, and this swerve takes him right off the road!

Wow. Lot of people out driving at 4AM, huh?

I know that's roughly the time because when Garcia and Xander (yay! It's been like a season, right?) are on their way into the office she complains that she was called in before sunrise. This has to be super bad news. Xander tries to comfort her by reminding her that there are good things about the job. Okay, one good thing - it's where they met. Sweeter than the show normally does!

So, what's the case that's brought everyone in pre-break of dawn? Reid observes that the last time Greg called a meeting this early was because Gideon left - which seems like splitting hairs. I mean, I know for a fact that he's called people in in the middle of the night in a few episodes. Doesn't that count as 'earlier' than 5AM? Or is there some line at which it becomes the next day, and letting people go home at six then calling them back at one doesn't cross it?

Weirdly, it can't be because of the case, because we cut away to paramedics and firemen trying to safely pull the still-living driver from the car. So unless he's a known serial killer, nothing dangerous enough has happened to require the team's presence.

Greg shows up, and announces that he's just arrived from a budget meeting, and they're considering cutting down the unit. He got the news because Strauss roped him into filling in a couple of episodes back. Greg tells the team that each one of them will be given the opportunity to leave the BAU and pursue other opportunities. Greg says Derek will be offered the New York post from season 3 again, and everyone else can expect similar calls. He wants them all to stick around - but it's up to them. Wow, are we about to have another super-meta episode about network interference, like when JJ left?

Also, this doesn't seem like information that couldn't have waited until 9AM. It's not like a meteor made of serial killers is hurtling towards Manhattan. What's gained by not letting them have a good night's sleep?

Greg finally gets a call about this week's case - they popped the trunk of the car, and found two corpses inside. Sadly the driver died before he could offer any information. The dead people are a young man and women, both wearing a uniform of tank top and shorts, and both were tortured before being killed. Their fingerprints are on file, and both are revealed to have been missing since the past winter, from Ohio and Arizona. So they travellled a long way before dying in Virginia, just a quick drive from the FBI's headquarters.

In a weird coincidence, it turns out they were asked to check in on the guy's disappearance back in December. He was a poor student, and it was thought that he'd committed suicide. They ask an odd question: 'why kill them now'? It's strange because they don't have enough information about the killer to find any of his decisions odd yet. At this moment, they have every reason to believe that this is just what he does.

We know better, of course, when it's revealed in the next shot that a whole passel of young people are being held in cages and forced to wear uniforms. Yup, they're clearly being held by the villains from Hostel! This should be a fun week!

The Hundred-and-Third Greatest Panel in the History of Comics

Yeah, you're losing everyone with that explanation. And they're the people who did the murdering, so it shouldn't be this hard to follow.

Criminal Minds 623: Big Sea

Down in Florida some barge-workers come across nine corpses on the ocean floor - the team is immediately called in, without a briefing sequence of any kind! Expedient! Garcia can turn up only six outstanding missing people in all of Jacksonville, and three of them are children - so the killer has to be finding his prey elsewhere!

Wait, they don't know how to restrict the timeline - are they seriously telling us that in the history of Jacksonville, Florida - a city of something like a million people - there have been only six disappearances that weren't resolved? Even if you restrict it to just ten years (as the next scene suggests that we do), that doesn't make the least bit of sense. Still, they're going to spread their search out to surrounding states, hoping to get lucky.

Then three more bodies turn up, and they're faced with an unfortunate reality - now that this dumpsite is public, the killer can go literally anywhere else to dump his victims.

Speaking of victims, we see the killer on his boat, gutting some fish, while the latest victim screams from below decks. Fun!

The Hundred-and-Second Greatest Panel in the History of Comics

That's true. The fury of a woman when she's bored can't possibly compare!