Frightmare's War With the English Language - Part 1!

You probably haven't heard of the movie 'Frightmare', or if you have, you're thinking about this British movie from the 70s:

The Frightmare to which I'm referring concerns a group of teens who attempt to build a charity haunted house, only to have murder ensue. It's a standard enough plot for a slasher film, and the film as a whole may well warrant coverage down the line, but right now I want to simply present something that happens at the film's outset - with less commentary than I'm generally known for.

What is going on in that speech? I understand that this is a low budget film, but were they unable to find anyone who spoke English, requiring phonetic pronunciation? Had the writers never seen a news broadcast? I assure you the rest of the film doesn't evince a complete lack of understanding of how the English language works.

With one exception, although that can wait until next time...