CSI Monday!

The scene: A party was 'crashed' by a man on fire! Then his barbecued corpse is examined by a sexy lady who, surprise, surprise, is the new medical examiner. After determining that he was doused in something an set on fire, the ME points out that as a living human body burns, the muscles curl up, locking him in the pugilist's pose.

SEXY M.E. WHO ISN"T WEARING A HAIRNET: From the latin 'pugil-' which means "Fights with fists."

(Horatio Caine puts on his sunglasses)

HORATIO CAINE: A fight... To the death.

At that point I stopped watching, mostly because I was sure it wasn't going to get any better, but the genius of CSI is that in just the opening three minutes, it already managed to do something really stupid. Not just show a person on fire who's never heard of 'stop, drop, and roll', either. No, it's that the entire sequence is shot as if the burning man's quest to run across the beach to the ocean is an incredible quest.

Two things, though - 1: He's running across a beach, which is made up of sand, which, while slightly worse at putting out fire than water, is like the third or fourth thing on the list of what you'd want when you have to put a fire out.

2: His whole body is on fire. This means that the air all around him is so hot that were he to open his eyes, essentially they'd be burned right out of his head. So how on earth is he able to run in a (fairly) straight line towards the water? Can't see, can't hear anything but the screams - even if he knew exactly which direction the beach was when he was set on fire, what are the odds he'd be able to orient himself towards the beach and run for it?

In other news, I checked TV guide to see what the episode tonight was about, and got to see the title: And How Does That Make You Kill?

This is why I hate shows - they never put the title onscreen, even when they're wonderful. Of course, there's a chance this isn't actually a wonderful title, and it's not a pun based on the fact that the plot has something to do with murder and a therapist or self-help guru.

Of course, if that is what the episode is about, it means that the title is meant as a joke, which is one more point in the favor of my theory that the show's writers now believe themselves to be writing a comedy, and they just haven't told any of the actors, producers, directors, or the audience.

I hope that's the case. I really do - because either the show is the most unintentionally funny thing on television, or the greatest piece of conceptual comedy in years.